Conrad's Heart
by Aella Antiope
Summary: When Conrad falls ill Yuuri has some realisations about Conrad's feelings and his own.  Also Yuuri/Wolfram


**Pairings:** Wolfram/Yuuri & Conrad/Yuuri

**Genre:** _Very_ Angsty

**Rating:** PG to M

* * *

The fever wasn't breaking, and Yuuri was terribly, terribly afraid.

"His mazoku side isn't counteracting it." Yozak in a flattened tone, sitting against a wall, one arm in the sling that Conrad had fashioned before he'd taken ill.

Yozak wasn't in the greatest shape, having fallen off his horse heavily when they had fled from the bandits. Fortunately the bandits hadn't given chase; their strength in surprise and well-equipped fighters like Yozak and Conrad were a little bit more than they were willing to take on. They were able to escape, although not unscathed, he thought as he watched Conrad toss and turn on the bed.

They said misfortune came in threes. First they had been attacked, then Yozak had broken his ribs, gotten a mild concussion and a fractured arm, then Conrad had been exposed to this...pollen... when he'd gone to find shelter from the storm threatening to break at any moment.

They had found shelter, an old hunter's cabin with two rooms, but now Conrad was ...in a bad way.

The pollen only had an effect on humans, not mazoku – but it appeared that Conrad's human side was enough, and this week was supposed to be a happy one. Yuuri was marrying Wolfram in only a few days. That's why they were out here, spending a week with only two other men in the wilderness, so he could reflect on his upcoming commitment.

The wind outside was picking up and the rain across the wooden shutters was ceaseless in its intensity. The thunder was far enough away, only a distant thunder; maybe the eye of the storm would bypass them.

"Is this the only cure?" Yuuri's healing abilities had not worked on Conrad.

"As far as I know, I haven't had anything to do with it myself. The pollen was thought to be extinct. It had to be the Captain's luck to come across the few flowers that were left." Just when Yuuri had thought he'd come across all that was strange in this Kingdom, there was always something else, something stranger.

Yozak looked terrible. He'd somehow managed to blacken one eye when he had fallen.

"Yozak...but what about...is this what you want?" As if anyone else could make the decision. He had to ask anyway. Yozak looked numbly resigned, which made Yuuri feel even worse.

"I'd rather he'd live more than anything. If this is what has to be done, then...I'd do it myself if I could, kid." Yozak gave him a grim look, then shrugged.

"I'm marrying Wolfram in three days." Yuuri said. His voice was a whisper but audible nevertheless. The lump in his throat wouldn't go away. "And I promised, I've never...I promised." His voice cracked and he turned away, rubbing his eyes to prevent any tears.

"I don't think he's going to last the night." Yozak said, the matter-of-fact tone making Yuuri flinch. He was about to protest when he noticed Yozak wincing as he tried to straighten his back.

"Help me up, kid? I think it's best I lay in front of the fire." Yuuri had healed him as well as he could, but it was obvious he was still in pain and the mild pain killers wouldn't have done much good.

He helped Yozak into the other room in the sparse cabin. As he gingerly lay in front of the fire he grabbed Yuuri's arm and looked him in the eye. "Whatever you decide to do, I'll understand."

It was nice of Yozak to say it, but he knew, they both knew what Yozak preferred. It was what they both wanted. He didn't want Conrad to die if he could help it. And he could, he could help, but the price...

He really didn't have any choice. He loved Conrad too much to let him go so easily.

* * *

Afterwards he sat at the table next to the only window with a glass pane, watching sightlessly as the last of the rain pattered against the glass. The thunder had stopped a while ago.

Yozak had been sleeping restlessly for a couple of hours. When he got up, Yozak dragged himself to the only other chair at the table.

"How's the captain?"

"He's fine; the fever has broken, like you said it would." He didn't think there was anything else he could really say.

Yozak let out a long breath in relief, and leaned back on his chair, only wincing slightly. He looked a little better than earlier.

"You know this will stay between the three of us. Nothing will ever leave this cabin, and knowing the Captain like I do, he'll never mention it again." Yozak said softly.

Yuuri closed his eyes for a moment. "Wolfram would never forgive me, even knowing...he'd never forgive me. I don't even know if I can forgive myself."

"Nobody would blame you, Your Majesty. And Lord von Bielefeld need never know."

"But I'll know." He felt like crying. He missed Wolfram, so much, but he felt like he no longer deserved him. He couldn't forget, the way things had been with Conrad. It had been terrifying and wonderful at the same time, and Conrad had been oh so tender and gentle, even with the fever.

He couldn't imagine seeing his Godfather the same way ever again. It was like something in his soul had awakened, like a world of possibilities had been opened. He loved Wolfram so much, but now...things had changed. How could he live with such conflicting feelings? How could he care so much for two different people?

"I wish I could forget." He said, his gaze returning to the water smeared window. "I think I'll have to call the wedding off when we return. It's not fair to Wolfram."

He'd promised. It had taken so long to get to this point, and he'd willingly agreed to wait until marriage like Wolfram had wanted. It was what would have also made his mother happy. He had kept himself for Wolfram. Those make-out sessions they had had over the last couple of months which had him, had them both hard and yearning had been enough for him to know that he had wanted Wolfram in that way. He loved him, he desired him and he wanted Wolfram badly.

That hadn't changed, but...

"If you call it off he'll only want to know why. Would you be able to keep it from him? You know that it would only cause a rift between the Captain and his brother if you told him the truth."

"Do you think I don't know that?" He found his voice rising, the guilt and hurt he was feeling was turning to anger. He quelled it ruthlessly. It wasn't Yozak's fault. It really wasn't anyone's fault.

"I'll think of something." Either way, he knew he was going to hurt Wolfram, but it was better this way. He wasn't able to enter into a marriage based on falsehood. Eventually the truth would come out...it was better this way.

"I wish I could forget." He said again, but more to himself.

"Is that what you really want? To forget?"

Yuuri looked over at Yozak.

"What do you mean?"

There was a strange, assessing look in Yozak's eyes

"I've learnt a few things as a spy. Making people forget is a useful skill in my line of work. I could do that; I could make you forget anything happened tonight if that's what you wanted. In fact, I'd be happy to help. You saved the Captain's life. It's the least I could do." Yozak leaned on the table, looking him in the eye.

"Do you mean like hypnosis?" The thought scared him a little, but...maybe.

"In a way, although there is a medicinal herb that will help which I have with me. I'll get you to drink it before you sleep tonight after I've hypnotised you. It will make it near impossible for those memories to be recovered. Hypnosis, by itself, isn't quite as effective."

Yuuri looked outside again. He could forget. This would be for the best.

"What about Conrad? How..."

"I'll talk to him. He won't want to ruin his brother's happiness anymore than you do." Yozak gave him a sad smile.

There was silence for a time as Yuuri thought about all that had happened, his thoughts tumbling over each other without any order.. The feel of Conrad's body against his. The way he had looked at him, with a look of such naked desire and love. He thought about Wolfram, his Wolfram back at the Castle. The one he had promised himself for, the one who he had fallen in love with bit by bit over the last few years. Conrad's cry as he came, Yuuri's name on his lips. His beautiful Wolfram, who had persistently chased him for so long, who had been so steadfast and loyal, whose heart was so fragile. Conrad was so much stronger. He looked over at Yozak.

"Yes, make me forget."

* * *

The return to Shin Makoku was without incident, which Yuuri was more than grateful for. The weather had been perfect with that earthy smell that only came from cleansing rain. He was glad Yozak had healed well enough. The spy still winced a little if he made a sudden movement, but the healing had progressed well enough for travel.

Conrad had been a little quiet on the return journey, but he could be like that sometimes. Yuuri was well used to his moods. They weren't as noticeable as Wolfram's but he did have moments like that, and it wasn't surprising considering how close Yozak had come to getting hurt badly, and then coming down with that odd fever. Fortunately things had ended well, and he hadn't caught anything himself what with Yozak forcing him to drink that foul medicine later on. He could still imagine the aftertaste; he scrunched up his nose at the memory.

"Are you feeling well, Your Majesty?" Conrad asked as they passed through the Castle gates.

He smiled at his Godfather. "Perfect."

And he was sure the swell of happiness in his heart was showing on his face, tomorrow he'd marry Wolfram and he could hardly bear the waiting. But why was Conrad looking so sad?

"Conrad..." he started to ask.

"Yuuri, where have you been?" It was Wolfram, his voice strident with worry.

He looked over to see Wolfram walking down the staircase, looking faultless as ever in his uniform, and looking oh so beautiful.

"Sorry, Wolfram, we ran into bandits." Yuuri jumped off Ao, pleased that he was able to do so easily after so much practice, and ran over and enveloped Wolfram in a big hug. He smiled to himself as the irritated stance in Wolfram's frame softened. "But we're okay, I'm okay." He whispered in Wolfram's ear and his heart swelled again as Wolfram squeezed him tightly and then let go.

"Well good...good," Wolfram said, then stepped back and looked Yuuri over. "You need a bath first, but afterwards there is so much you need to do. Have you memorised your wedding vows?"

Well no...but he'd read them, a little. The uncertainty must have shown on his face.

"Seriously Yuuri, I can't imagine how you manage to do anything yourself. We'll go over it tonight. But first, go take a bath, you smell." His husband soon to be pushed him gently in that direction. "I'll meet you in Gwendal's study after."

He grinned again, and resisted the urge to give Wolfram another hug. He couldn't believe he'd taken this long to work out how important Wolfram was to him. He was so lucky.

As he turned to go, he looked back down the stairs at Conrad who had been gazing up at both himself and Wolfram. Conrad was standing next to Yozak; whose injuries were being looked over by Gisela.

A funny feeling went through Yuuri as he saw Conrad's expression, a very peculiar almost wistful look in his eyes, which turned into one of his bland reassuring smiles when he saw Yuuri watching him. He gave his Godfather a half wave and Conrad's smile widened slightly. The usual, everyday Conrad smile.

It had certainly been an adventurous few days and he was glad Conrad and Yozak had been so lucky. No wonder he was feeling a bit out of sorts.

Without another thought, he turned and left, preparations for the wedding already on his mind.

* * *

Updated to fix errors Feb 2011

Comments are always appreciated.


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